New things

So the work has been a little slow due to some personal things going on (nothing bad just busy and no time) but my house is coming along. Waiting to get my windows in and im finishing out the hardwood floor in my dining room. Carpet going in soon also in my bedrooms, and my sitting room next to my bedroom downstairs. Its nice to see things progress the way they are but its taking time and Im bummed its not done now. Gotta have it done soon because im looking into maybe start driving truck around the country. Ugh my life is getting crazy it seems, and then to add the fact that I could be away from home for 2 - 3 weeks at a time while im driving truck makes it even crazier but gotta do what I gotta do. Pictures coming soon of my house while im working on it :)

On the road again

So I've been thinking about driving truck for a living. It's good money, gives me the opportunity to travel the country and it's something I probably would be good at. Something to keep praying about and see how it can effect my future

My new city

So I've made the move to Joplin at the beginning of the month. It's been interesting to say the least and was hoping that I'd be able to get into my house sooner but thankfully that will come soon. There are a few things that make me feel this is a good place to be after having my life ripped apart. Joplin is a wonderful city and not just because it got hit severely by the may 22nd tornado. People can be asses here but at the same time there are people just equally nice and genuine. I am with a great girl who loves me for the man I am and I love her too. So more updates will come soon.

Jaymes

Ending the Pain

Its been a hard few months...
Seeing what is out there in the world so i can see a glimmer of light again...
I'm ready to live again for the first time...
New plans are being made, ones more realistic...

Moving on past the pain to find a life that makes me happy...
Over the disappointments of the heart...
Vindicated in a reality of what I have...
Intrigued by the new...
Nearing the final turn of the past...
Granting a new uncomfortableness...
Observing the craziness that is intoxicating...
Nesting in a joyous movement of myself...
Malevolent images of what I never really had...
Obstetric actions that bring life to the new me...
Dissolved is the shell around the nut hidden away from society.
Eating, breathing and drinking...

Say hello to the new me...  

Amour Amour

Love is a wild animal
It breathes you it looks for you
It nests upon broken hearts
and goes hunting when there are kisses and candles
It sucks tightly on your lips
and digs tunnels through your ribs
It drops softly like snow
First it gets hot then cold in the end it hurts

Amour Amour
Everyone just wants to tame you
Amour Amour in the end
caught between your teeth

Love is a wild animal
It bites and scratches and steps towards me
It holds me tightly with a thousand arms
and drags me into its love nest
It devours me completely
and retches me back out after many years
It drops softly like snow
First it gets hot then cold in the end it hurts

Amour Amour
Everyone just wants to tame you
Amour Amour in the end
caught between your teeth

Love is a wild animal
You fall into its trap
It stares into your eyes
Spellbound when its gaze hits you

Please please give me poison

Die Nacht öffnet ihren Schoß         The night opens her lap

Das Kind heißt Einsamkeit            The child's name is loneliness

Es ist kalt und regungslos           It is cold and motionless

Ich weine leise in die Zeit          I cry softly into time

Ich weiß nicht wie du heißt          I don't know what your name is

Doch ich weiß dass es dich gibt      But I know that you exist

Ich weiß dass irgendwann             I know that sometime

irgendwer mich liebt                 Someone will love me

He comes to me every night           He comes to me every night

No words are left to say             No words are left to say

With his hands around my neck        His hands around my neck

I close my eyes and pass away        I close my eyes and pass away

 

I don't know who he is               I don't know who he is

In my dreams he does exist           In my dreams he does exist

His passion is a kiss                His passion is a kiss

And I cannot resist                  And I cannot resist

Ich warte hier                       I wait here

Don't die before I do                Don't die before I do

Ich warte hier                       I wait here

Stirb nicht vor mir                  Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are             I don't know who you are

I know that you exist                I know that you exist

Stirb nicht                          Don't die

Sometimes love seems so far          Sometimes love seems so far

Ich warte hier                       I wait here

Your love I can't dismiss            Your love I can't dismiss

Ich warte hier                       I wait here

Alle Häuser sind verschneit          All the houses are covered in 
                                     snow

Und in den Fenstern Kerzenlicht      And candle light in the 
                                     windows

Dort liegen sie zu zweit             They lie there together

Und ich                              And I

Ich warte nur auf dich               I only wait for you

 

Ich warte hier                       I wait here

Don't die before I do                Don't die before I do

Ich warte hier                       I wait here

Stirb nicht vor mir                  Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are             I don't know who you are

I know that you exist                I know that you exist

Stirb nicht                          Don't die

Sometimes love seems so far          Sometimes love seems so far

Ich warte hier                       I wait here

Your love I can't dismiss            Your love I can't dismiss

Stirb nicht vor mir                  Don't die before I do

Babe

You're so pure, so sure again
Whatever you do, we will laugh again
I'm like you, a fool again
Whenever I fell, I got up again

Babe you don't have to be afraid in my eyes
Babe, don't be ashamed

Find your way and lose again
Wherever you are you can choose again
Your heart will break, and heal again
And one day will come when you believe again

Babe, you don't have to be afraid in my eyes
Babe, don't be ashamed
Babe, you don't have to be afraid in my eyes
Babe, I'm so glad that you stayed

Babe, you don't have to be afraid in my eyes
Babe, don't be ashamed
Babe, you don't have to be afraid in my eyes
And I'm so glad that you stayed

Dont Die Before I Do

The night opens her lap
The child's name is loneliness
It is cold and motionless
I cry softly into time
I don't know what your name is
But I know that you exist
I know that sometime
someone will love me

He comes to me every night
No words are left to say
With his hands around my neck
I close my eyes and pass away

I don't know who he is
In my dreams he does exist
His passion is a kiss
And I can not resist

I wait here
Don't die before I do
I wait here
Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Don't die
Sometimes love seems so far
I wait here
Your love I can't dismiss
I wait here

All the houses are covered in snow
And candle light in the windows
They lie there together
And I
I only wait for you

I wait here
Don't die before I do
I wait here
Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Don't die
Sometimes love seems so far
I wait here
Your love I can't dismiss

Don't die before I do

The Day I Let Go

.

What a waste of life this is, every altercation I permit is
Like a quiet sigh
From a man resigned to a place that was never his
And the hours are long, even in a world where I belong
Every second stays, every minute counts against my sentence

I Fall…I had to let you go…

What I tried to accomplish died – every offer of faith I had
To fight and a dream unfolds
The moon is cold because the sun left early
And the days go by, even when my conscience just won’t try
Every week decays, every month is rotten -
I AM FORGOTTEN

I fall… I had to let you go
I fall…my mind is all I know
I fall… the table turns to dust
I fall… today, I let go of my trust

What a waste of time I am, every ounce of life is
Just dead flesh
I can’t forget, but then again you can’t let me remember
When I try to speak, every word I say comes out so bleak
I don’t want this, I don’t want you
But I DON’T WANT ANYONE
I don’t want anyone…

I fall… I had to let you go
I fall…my mind is all I know
I fall… the table turns to dust
I fall… today, I let go of my trust
I let go of my trust

Last Baron

I'd guess they would say we could set this world ablaze

Please, please take my hand
Please take my soul to rest
So we can always be around

It is hard to see
Through all the haze at the top of the trees
Hold my head on stable ground
Watch as the earth falls all around

Please, please take my hand
Please take my soul to rest
So we can always be around

Faltering footsteps
Dead end path
All that I need is this wise mans staff
Encased in crystal he leads the way
I guess they'd say we could set the world ablaze

Please, please take my hand
Please take my soul to rest
So we can always be around

I guess they would say we can set the world ablaze
Hold my head on stable ground
Watch as the earth falls all around

Take my black soul
Arrive in the fires that burn my skin
Guide my eyes all through this maze
I guess they'd say we could set the world ablaze

All that I have seen
Standing on the edge
The foot of precipice
Floating in the sea
Past the king of swords
Quickly to the shore
The last baron
The last baron

Ghost of man surrounds me in my slumber
I have no fear as your wing is my shelter

Cyanide he craves
Coursing through his veins
Providing him with strength
To see this to the end
Afraid of psychic eyes
Faith in mystic power
The last baron
The last baron

Will he save me?
Will he save me?

I was standing staring at the world
And I can't see it
I was standing staring at the world
And I can't see it

I was standing staring at the world
And I still can't see it
I was standing staring at the world
And I still can't see it

I was standing staring at the world
And I still can't see it
I was standing staring at the world
And I still can't see it

All that I have seen
Standing on the edge
The foot of precipice
Floating in the sea
Past the king of swords
Quickly to the shore
The last baron
The last baron

Ghost of man surrounds me in my slumber
I have no fear as your wing is my shelter

Cyanide he craves
Coursing through his veins
Providing him with strength
To see this to the end
Afraid of psychic eyes
Faith in mystic power
The last baron
The last baron

Will he save me?
Will he save me?

I guess they would say we can set the world ablaze
Hold my head on stable ground
Watch as the earth falls all around

It is hard to see
Through all the haze at the top of the trees
Hold my head on stable ground
Watch as the earth falls all around

Please, please take my hand
Please take my soul to rest
So we can always be around

Faltering footsteps
Dead end path
All that I need is this wise mans staff
Encased in crystal he leads the way
I guess they'd say we could set the world ablaze

Make me see how you love

Up in flames my heart has become

Your influence of passion holds me close

Mind is racing trying to sort out this mess

But I can’t control everything in life

Know my position and who I am

I love that smile you give me

Can this all be a dream or a wicked reality?

Give my soul a chance to escape this flesh

You gave me hope for a great future

Everything looked great in that glimpse of time

Some day this will be a distant memory

One love my heart will crave

Cannot shake this feeling.